What to expect when going on dates..

Hello World!

Today, I woke up thinking about dating. Dates are those fabulously awkward events that us girls get extra pretty for. We go through eight outfits. Fix our eye makeup five times, trying to recreate that perfect smoky eye, or the "natural" look. (I'm not quite sure your eyes can look natural with eyeshadow, but whatever.) Then you throw on some Flowerbomb for that amazing scent that all men seem to get caught up in. The men get us at our best. We're on our best behavior. We smell amazing, look amazing (more amazing than we did the first time you asked us out) and all is well for you. We work our way through a series of questions that we want answered and otherwise plan for a very stimulating evening where we'll come away thinking, he is the one Daddy always said I'd find. He'll treat me like a queen, make me laugh, make me smile, tell good jokes, and I'll learn about him as he learns about me. Yay!? right...?

But what can we, ladies, expect to get on dates...

Unfortunately it's not necessarily the same. Let's compare...What do we want? We want a guy who is going to open the door. Who doesn't force us to walk behind him like some well trained puppy. A man should always let a woman walk in front of him (why do you think we wear these expensive jeans that hug out asses just right?); but for real it's because it's a position of power for men and it makes you automatically viewed as a protector. can you stop the random guy from grabbing our hand when you are in front of us? NO, because you don't see it and the other guy knows you done effed and so he's going to now make his move. We also want men to be dressed well for the occasion. Here's a tip men: think about what you think we'll be wearing and then try to find the male equivalent. This does not ever include out of date fashion. Please, dear lord, do not put on the most busted pairs of shoes, or shirts advertising brands that people wore in the last century unless those brands are still popular. You get major strikes against you for this last one.

What else do we generally expect? Oh...conversation. What I've notice, though, is that with the advent of the cell phone and texting, people do not know how to have conversations without the buffer of an iPhone screen and predictive texts. Why can't we have conversations. Girls, at least if they are like me, are naturally inquisitive and talkative, but we don't want to be the only one talking. Nor do we want to feel like you have no desire to get to know us. Immediately, we can determine what you really want from you lack of conversation. SEX. And guess what you won't be getting if you can't manage a simple conversation over dinner? Sex (well, unless you're just that damn fine and all the girl wants from you is sex. Dinner at that point would just be a formality.) If you don't want to know about us, then we certainly don't want to know about you anymore and we are already plotting on the guy sitting over your shoulder at the bar who actually seems interested and keeps giving us the eye.

We also want your attention. If you spend the entire night thumbing through your phone, don't be surprised when we pull ours out and stop paying attention to you as well. That is a sign that the date is over. You have already been taken out of the running for anything beyond a check for the meal. Yes, we all have lives and have a million and one things going on, but if you can't put your phone up for an hour or so then you don't see the girl as worth your time and she will strike that off her list too. Put a fork in it; you're done. Check please!

Finally, Guys, if you somehow make it to date three, I truly feel it's okay to kiss the girl. Or at least try. No one wants a guy who is timid about just kissing the girl. Do we need the Little Mermaid music in the background or what? Ha, even if we did, most guys seem to be more prone to knocking the boat over without the aid of flotsam and jetsam. To not even try, guys, is like you signing your own death certificate. It's pretty much over. At this point, the girl is not only convinced you're just not that into her, she's also convinced she's just not that into you.

And people wonder how women get swept off their feet by assholes. Well, an asshole is apparently the last chivalrous species of men on the planet. They do everything right. They open doors. They get mad at you when you try to open the door. They talk to you about everything but sex. They want to know your family history, your likes and dislikes, your favorite color because, guess what, they are plotting on what color flowers to send the next day so that the chivalry and charm continues to woo us right out of our extra expensive La Perla couture panties that we only wear for "the one". Blazer Boy certainly was not the one, but he did his damnedest to prove he was at least for the time being. These days the one seems like a myth and everyone is looking for the perfect combination of Mr. Nice Guy and The Asshole. If you get the right combination of attributes then you have Mr. Right - you have the one.

So what does this mean... Who the hell knows. Perhaps that the entire male species is quickly ushering women to sperm banks to create children rather than wait around for the Mr. Nice Guy to figure out that you can't just be nice and have a job, you have to actually show some genuine interest and treat us like queens you respect. And perhaps it is really a commentary on the breakdown in our perceptions of relationships. Especially for Black men, just because you have a degree (or two or three) does not mean that a girl is lucky to have you - so much so that you feel you don't need to put your best foot forward. More likely than not, she has a degree (or two or three) under her belt as well. And, given the current state of things, she's not wedded to the idea that her husband has to be a black man anyway. So that just made the sea a whole lot bigger and full of options. She'll toss you back if you act like she should be lucky and don't recognize that you should feel lucky too.

But, this is just another day for the girl next door.

Reality Bites...

So, it's been a while - two years I believe - since I graced this site with my poetics lines about life, love, and pain. The Diplomatic Fashionista inspired me, and the loss of a good friend has prompted me to step out here again. Older and wiser and with so many things going on in my life, I have to take a second to pause and recognize how precious life is. As we all fumble around in the darkness, loving and laughing and crying, others are entering a light brighter than any ever spoken of because it is the light of God calling our loved ones home. My friend Sam was a beautiful person, so full of life and energy and man! could that girl SANG. But God called her home. My prayers and heart go out to her and her family. I knew that woman for almost fifteen years. She was a beautiful soul and I am glad to have known her at all. She spoke positivity and love into everyone.

So this brings me to the realization and topic for today.
Reality Bites my friends. But all we can do is accept it and love it for what it is and love all the people for who they are.

Sounds easier said than done. I have to remind myself of this often as I seem to keep tripping into very interesting relationships with guys who really just aren't worth the time of day. I found myself in this situation recently. We'll call him Blazer Boy. Said all the right things and I got all caught up in the yummy goodness. Turns out behind that well dressed facade, hid an asshole. Yes, a wolf in sheep's clothing had slipped into my yard created havoc and then got BUSTED in his lie and had to get told what he really was. What's so sad, is that the lie was completely unnecessary. He could have just told the truth. But he chose, and perhaps it was because he didn't want to lose me. But really, why do you think you get to make that decision, Blazer Boy? But that's okay. This is just proof that what happens in the dark comes to light. So you might as well tell the truth up front.

But my heart was broken nonetheless.

Reality Bites.

But we rebound, and that's what's beautiful about us humans. We can go through loss and horrible, heartbreaking relationships and emerge even better and even wiser. To Blazer Boy, I hope you pull yourself together and finally turn into the good man you purport to be. Or at least I hope you can be honest with yourself and the women you encounter. If you're a wolf, be a wolf.

To Samantha...you were a light in the life of everyone you knew. Continue to shine on us from heaven. We will continue to live beautifully and positively just for you.

Just Another Day
G.N.D.